Securing Sexuality is the podcast and conference promoting sex positive, science based, and secure interpersonal relationships. We give people tips for safer sex in a digital age. We help sextech innovators and toy designers produce safer products. And we educate mental health and medical professionals on these topics so they can better advise their clients. Securing Sexuality provides sex therapists with continuing education (CEs) for AASECT, SSTAR, and SASH around cyber sexuality and social media, and more.
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Rumors and Perceptions in the digital age
In today's digital age, where information spreads like wildfire, rumors and perceptions play a significant role in shaping our relationships, particularly when it comes to intimacy. The advent of social media platforms and the ease of communication have undoubtedly revolutionized the way we connect with others. However, along with these advancements come the potential dangers of rumors and misperceptions, which can profoundly affect the intimacy we experience in our relationships. In this blog post, we will delve into the impact of rumors and perceptions on intimacy in the digital age, exploring the various ways they can shape and alter our connections with others.
The Power of Rumors: Rumors have always existed, but their influence has been magnified in the digital age. With the click of a button, a rumor can be shared with thousands, if not millions, of people within seconds. This rapid dissemination of information can have a profound impact on intimacy, as rumors often distort the truth and create false narratives about individuals or relationships. When rumors spread about someone's fidelity, for example, it can erode trust and intimacy within a partnership, leading to doubt and insecurity. Furthermore, rumors can also stem from misunderstandings or misinterpretations of actions or words. In the digital age, where communication is often limited to text-based interactions, it becomes easier for rumors to arise due to the absence of nonverbal cues that aid in understanding intentions and emotions. This lack of context can lead to misperceptions and, consequently, the spread of damaging rumors that negatively impact intimacy. Perception and Self-Presentation: In the digital age, perception is not only influenced by rumors but also by the carefully crafted self-presentations individuals curate on social media platforms. With the ability to filter and edit our lives, we have become masters of presenting ourselves in a particular light. However, this curated persona can often be far from reality, leading to misperceptions about who we truly are. When individuals present an idealized version of themselves online, it can create unrealistic expectations and false perceptions of intimacy. For instance, someone may present themselves as always happy and in perfect relationships on social media, leading others to feel inadequate or envious of their seemingly flawless lives. These misperceptions can hinder genuine intimacy as individuals strive to live up to unrealistic expectations rather than embracing their authentic selves. The Role of Digital Communication: Digital communication, while convenient, can also contribute to the erosion of intimacy. Text-based interactions lack the nuances and subtleties of face-to-face communication, making it easier for misperceptions to arise. Misunderstandings in tone or intent can occur, leading to conflicts and strained relationships. Moreover, the immediacy and brevity of digital communication can lead to impulsive reactions and hasty judgments. In the absence of real-time dialogue, individuals may make assumptions based solely on the limited information available. These assumptions can then fuel rumors and perpetuate misperceptions, ultimately damaging intimacy. Navigating Rumors and Perceptions: To mitigate the impact of rumors and perceptions on intimacy in the digital age, it is crucial to approach communication and relationships with mindfulness and empathy. Here are a few strategies to consider:
In the digital age, rumors and perceptions have a profound impact on intimacy. The rapid spread of rumors, along with the carefully crafted self-presentations on social media, can distort reality and hinder genuine connections. However, by prioritizing open communication, critical thinking, authenticity, and empathy, we can navigate the digital landscape more effectively and foster deeper, more meaningful intimacy. It is essential to remember that behind every screen is a human being, deserving of understanding and connection. Key Concepts:
Hello and welcome to Securing Sexuality, the podcast where we discuss the intersection of intimacy and information Security. I'm Wolf Goerlich, a hacker. I'm Stefani Goerlich, a sex therapist. Together, we're going to discuss what safe sex looks like in a digital age. So this is something I want to ask you about.
And in the moment between finding and hearing about this and this podcast, this story actually got stranger. So before I get to the story, how have you been? Where have we been, baby? Where have we not been? We, as I have told to anybody who will listen to me complain, have not been home for more than 72 hours. Since February, I have lost track of everywhere we've been. But I do know we've been in at least five states, two countries and two continents this spring. So we've been everywhere. Yes. So, dear listenerI hope you had a great memorial holiday, and I'm sorry we missed you. The one place we haven't been is on the air. We were We took a week off. Yeah, but to be fair, people get sick of listening to us anyway. They need a chance to, you know, not hear our voices. Or maybe to catch up on the back catalogue. Whatever you know, they they choose to do with their time. Giving them a break from keeping up with us is, I think, an important boundary to set. Occasionally, I love the therapist. Spin on this. But, you know, I come to you for two things I come to you for, for the therapist, spin the the human side. And I also come to you for sports information. Oddly enough, yeah, it is strange, because I am the least athletic person I know in terms of actual, you know, willingness to move or even be vertical most of the time. And yet you have told me more than once over the years that I am both the girlies and sportiest person you've ever met. I almost said ever married, but really ever dated. Both are probably true. So tell me about the Olympics in particular. Tell me about thewhich Olympics are we coming up on? Is it summer? Is it winter? Is it Do they have a spring Olympics? What's going on? They do not have a spring Olympics. Andif you look outside your window, you might getsome context clues for which set of games are coming up. Do you see Snow, baby? I'm checking right now. No, it's green out there. When is the green? We have leaves. Green means summer. Yeah, we are coming up on the 2024 Summer Olympics, which are happening in Paris, which is one of the cities we were recently in. So actually, that means five states, three countries and three continents we've been in. I need to up my tally. So yes, we we went to Paris to do in depth, detailed investigative journalism into the summer Olympics. sex be scandal. Now, in this case takes the form of buying a souvenir pen with the weird red blob that Paris has decided is the mascot for this Olympic Games. Yeah, I. I mean, I'm woefully over-exaggerating our investigative journalist skills, but tell me, tell me about the why There would need to be an anti-sex bed and why this really hit the zeitgeist? Because I saw this I. I snipped it to talk to you about it on the podcast. And as I mentioned between the time that I saw it and the time we're having this conversation, they came out and they're, like, debunked it. They're like, No, no, no. It's not meant to be a sex anti sex bed. So I I can give context. But before I do that, maybe you should tell people what you mean when you say anti sex bed because they might not be up on this the way you are. Well, that's why I'm asking you about There's a making the rounds of social media. A few days ago, there were pictures of a bed that was being built for the Paris 2024 Olympics. You know what? Now that you told me this in Paris, I see that Paris is actually in the picture. They have a little comforter. This is Paris 2024. This is all coming together now. This is fabulous. and I was going around as Oh, look, they've released anti sex beds to prohibit or discourage people in the Olympic Village from getting it on. Yeah, So historically, Olympians have been notorious for as you so delicately put it getting it on. Um, every time there is a round of Olympics, there are stories of the S exploits that occur within the Olympic Village, which is the space that is created for the athletes tolive in while they are participating in the Games. So if you imagine something between summer camp and a frat indoor sorority mixerthat's what the Olympic Village is. And when you think about the fact that you know, most, competing athletes are sort of in their like, very late teens to late twenties, I mean, it's really, really rare to have an Olympian in their thirties. You've got a lot of young people at the prime of life at the peak of physicalathleticism, who are all thrown together for a a number of weeks. Um, hortis horniness inevitably ensues. So I got it. Now. Would a uncomfortable bed made out of cardboard help on that? I mean, it is we're gonna get to I wanna know why this took off like a wildfire is a rumour. But first off, in your professional opinion, would this bed be an appropriate deterrent? I have never seen anybody deter two people or three people or 12 people who want to have sex. If people want to give and receive pleasure, they are going to find opportunities to give and receive pleasure back in. You know, my my undergrad days when I was doing my my practicums one of my field placements was in a rotating homeless shelter. And even though themen, women and Children were housed separatelywe often had to break up sort of illicit sort of trips that would happen in church bathrooms, in school basements, wherever they could find a spot. So people have been sleeping and procreating on uncomfortable surfaces for the majority of human history. Honestly, if we think about it, the nice comfy mattress is a very modern thing. And no, you know, from a a an evolutionary and social perspective, I don't think a cardboard bed is gonna deter people that really want to have sex. So how did this rumour take off then? And we we talk aboutmisinformation on this podcast from time to time. And I think this is actually a really intriguing example of that, right? Like couple people posted here and there, and then Suddenly it's all overtiktok and social and and Instagram and end to end to end, to end, to end. So what made this particular story? Do you think so? So intriguing. So what? What made it something that spread like it did. Well, I mean, I think a part of it is you're talking about something that's like a classic porn scenario, right? Like the young hot athletes thrown together. And then there's also the fact that every time the Olympics happen, like I said, these sort of concerns come up. And some years, the solution is a plethora of condoms throughout the Olympic Village. And sometimes the solution is to just, you know, stick your fingers in your ears and for the organisers to chant la, la, la, la la and for us to ignore it entirely. But this time, you know the the solution is cardboard beds. So I think it's it's a trope that we see every time the Olympics happen. Interestingly, you know, in thinking back in my memory over the years and again I, I am your sportiest partner, but not necessarily overly athletic myself. I. I cannot catch or throw a ball to save my life. Please don't ask me to run. Even if you're chasing me, I'm just gonna die. The bear will get me. That is, that is my athletic capacity. So in my limited sports knowledge of the Olympics, I feel like these topics only really ever come up with the Summer Games. Like I. I can't remember a winter Olympics where this has been as buzzed about the way it is and maybe Sochi. I don't know. I feel like so no Sochi was Russia. They did not have the condoms there. But I, I think perhaps there's something about the fact that it's Paris. I think it's something about the fact that it's summertime. I mean, you're talking about swimming andbeach volleyball and gymnastics. I mean, it's a lot of our skimpier sports. One might argue, right. It's hard to feel sexy if you're in head to toe ski gear, and I'm wondering if maybe, you know, my armchair hypothesis would be that perhaps that's a factor. So I did some quick research while you were You're answering and it seems like at least on the surface now again, you know, double check this this is a two minute Internet search and a cross referencing that, yes, indeed, the rumours and myths aboutsex of the limbic spread more frequently during Summer Olympics and winter. Lim. So I think you're onto something there. I'm telling you, there's something about a Speedo man and you don't get Speedos in the Winter Games. You get cross by in the winter games, but not a Speedo. Did they really pass out like big bowls of condoms? Or is that was that AAA myth, too? No, The the Olympic Village condoms is a real thingthat that has been one of the solutions in the past. Wow. OK, I will say with 2024 with Paris. If you wanna talk about the mixed messages our culture gives young people about sex and intimacy, they are both providing anti sex cardboard beds. Although you've already said that might be a little bit of hyperbole and also providing 300,000 condoms in the Olympic Village in Paris this summer. 300,000, that's a lot that is yes, well, summertime in Paris. I mean, live it up. Live it up for some context. There are apparently a slightly over 14,000 residents in the Olympic Village. So let's do some armchair math. 300,000 divided by 14,000. They're actually thinking every resident of the Olympic Village might have sex about 21 times. I mean, you you gotta probably double that if it's heterosexual sex. But yes, what does that mean? Double it if it's heterosexual sex because you'd have two people having sex, right? Only one condom? OK, that makes sense. That makes sense. Well, they're not saying partners. It's not 21 partners. It's 21 concept, right? Yeah. Yeah, So I mean, but I don't I don't This is also Pride Month. And so, in honour of Pride Month, I don't want to assume heteronormative in the Olympic Village, and that's true. I mean, we are talking about people of diverse backgrounds, of all orientations, but it is true that there are a plethora of orientations represented at the Paris Summer Games. All right, so the reality is these are cardboard beds. They're meant to be disposable, easy to clean up. It's apparently a very similar bed than the one they use in Tokyo. it's a air weave mattress, so it's it'sapparently comfortable, I guess, even though it doesn't necessarily look like comfortable I, I mean, one of the big critiques of the Olympics in general is that host countries spend hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars building spaces, renovating stadiums, creating new sporting grounds for these events to be used for a couple of weeks and then really never again, right? So I suspect that these beds are meant to be responsible economically to be perhaps environmentally friendly. Cardboard is recyclable. I think that there were probably lots and lots of factors that went into the design of these beds that have nothing to do with preventing sex. But the Olympics and and regulation of sex have been so tied together for so long thatI can see why people would make that assumption. So, you know, one of the things I think about from a design perspective is the extreme user. The extreme user is usually one that can be leading edge, can give you an idea of where things are going, can give you an idea ofnew ideas for the rest of us. So, you know, we we are. If we imagine the bell curve. Obviously, the Olympic participants and competitors are way on the far side of that curve. What can we learn aboutthe nature of intimacy about the nature ofcommunity from this story? Right. We got a whole bunch of people coming together for a few months, short period of time, sleeping on cardboard, albeit with a comfortable mattressand and enjoying themselves in a variety of different ways while working their butts off. What does that tell us about the the nature of intimacy, I think. For one thing, there's often an argument made that it is sex and intimacy. Take a backseat when we're intensely focused on something else, right? Um, that is a complaint or an rationale that I hear often in my practise, that I've been so focused on work. I've been so busy with the kids I've been in in the weeds in school. Whatever the case might be, there tends to be this idea that where we are intensely laser focused on a goal or a task or a project that the first thing that drops off is intimacy with our partners and and really, what the Olympics shows is that that's not necessarily true. You're talking about 14,000 people that are there for the single most important moment in their lives that they have trained for since childhood, that they are putting copious amounts of physical and emotional effort into every single day. And yet it's a community that still is being given hundreds of thousands of condoms in anticipation that some of them are going to use it. So one thing we can say is not, you know well, your argument is invalid because I think people are allowed to set the boundaries and and prioritise where they need to prioritise. But often it's that internal thing. It's that I can't possibly think about this while I also have that. And so I think the Olympics can be used as sort of a permission giving moment for ourselves to think about. You know, is this something that I genuinely don't have space for right now? Or is this something I've been told I shouldn't prioritise right now, and those are two very different headspace. I like that obviously prioritise make time make space. But the fact that this I was a little bit of an urban legend for a couple weeks makes me think of another urban legend. Or perhaps not I. I guess I need to know some myth busting from you If you are trying to be an elite athlete, right? We oftentimes hearthat people who are trying to exercise or trying to achieve their goals should abstain, especially men. Right? There's this idea thatyou you lose virility. You lose energy, you lose any number of things testosterone goes down, or I've heard that rumour as well. whatwhat is your thoughts on that like, are they going to be less effective? At least the male performance and I I love to hear if female performers havehave similar stories, like at least for men versus women. You hear about this most in the men's side. But, you know, obviously I'd like to hear both genders, but is there any truth to this idea that by engaging in activities that we all love that there could potentially beyou know, worse in terms of being an athlete? I'm so curious right now. Are you avoiding saying the word sex? No engaging in activities we all love sounds very euphemistic. Well, I am a very euphemistic person. Um, so there is There are copious online communities that put out a lot of pseudoscience about the benefits of semen retention, masturbate, masturbation avoidance, avoiding sex. Um, the actual science behind that is not there. When when you really dig into the medical claims that are made aboutavoiding sex and intimacy, avoiding ejaculation, things like that. And, you know, you asked for both genders, but it tends to be a very male oriented sort of theory and space. I don't hear that a lot from women. I thought so. Yeah. Um, but it's not backed up by by actual science or evidence. my favourite, most eloquent rebuttal of that whole idea is the movieBull Durham with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon. I. I keep threatening to get you to watch it, and you keep thinking it's a sports movie and it is a movie set in the sports world. But really, it is alove triangle. And it is a sexy, sexy, eloquent argument in favour of the role that intimacy can have on enhancing athletic performance. So, you know, if reading academic journals or medical literature is not your GM, I think Bull Durham could win you over on why? This isn't the theory that makes a lot of sense. Well, the the thing is, the only Durham triangle I like is the research triangle in Raleigh Durham. So every time you say it, I think Raleigh Durham and you know, II, I think about work. All right, well, I think I'm that maybe tonight we're gonna have to watch Bull Durham so that you can truly, you know, understand the topic. We have to do our deep research when we do a podcast episode. Plus, it's just hot guys. If II I know that you know Gen Z is now they're all adults. So Bull Durham might actually not be on your radar. And if you haven't seen it, you should check it out. Unmitigated classic. The the one argument I can see is the the simple idea of fatigue, right? If you have an important meeting or an important presentation or, you know, you're competing for a gold medal the next morning, maybe don't stay up all night having vigorous sexual activity. There's something to be said for getting a good night's rest. But really, that's what it comes down to. It's giving your body ample time and space to both have pleasure and performance and downtime. And if you're scheduling well, and if you're setting good boundaries around sleep, especially ahead of things like you know, the long jump orwhat's the the shot put? I like the shot put. It doesn't seem like it should be an Olympic event, and yet, somehow it is. You just throw a ball really far. Um, a big metal ball, I get it. But my point is, get enough sleep. Don't stay up all night having sex and then celebrate your achievements with a partner or two or 12 of your choosing. All right, so it's two myths busted, right? These beds are not anti sex. And by the way, sex doesn't necessarilydisrupt your your athletic performance within some some parameters. You keep saying 12 and I feel like 12 has a meeting. I don't know how you go. 23, 12. But let me ask you this. I, I know you are a A history buff. Um, is is that number 12 based in any history or what's the What's the back story there? Um, well, it's just me trying to be inclusive. We have lots of poly listeners. I have lots of poly clients. I don't want to assume that they have a diet or a triad. I'm just being open to whatever relationship structure people create for themselves. There's no symbolic meaning behind the 12 there, although you know 12 is a multiple of four. The Olympics happen every four years if you really want to stretch the the symbology there. Um, it It's interesting, though in kind of thinking about you mentioned the history of things. You know, we have this idea thatthis has been a long time problem. And it was only in 1988 that we started talking about the sexual behaviour of Olympians, and that was because of the A I DS crisis. Actually, the Tokyo Olympics in 88 also a summer games, I believeI'll double check myself, though, was the first games to, provide condoms and the messaging at the time was not that it was for the competitors and it was a Summer Games but wasto spread awareness of HIV A I DS They gave them condoms saying they're gonna take them to their home countries to normalise conversations around safe sex and normalise. Having negotiations around A I DS prevention, which I actually think is a great idea. I don't know that I believe that they're messaging there. I think it was probably a little bit of both. A lot of you know, Hey, if you guys are going to be on top of each other, literally and metaphorically in the Olympic Village, please do so responsibly. But also since we're doing this for the first time, here is sort of a a socially and culturally acceptable reason for doing that. And they've been given out at every game sinceBut in 2020 there was a little bit of a different message. Um, what do you think that might have been? 0, 2020? Well, obviously, 2020 was the year of the pandemic, so masking covid 2020 was the first time there was an actual intimacy ban also in the Tokyo Olympics. So in 88 Tokyo introduces condoms in 2020 Tokyo goes OK, you know Covid is a thing you guys need to maintain 6 ft distancing in all sorts of ways. And so what we're really seeing is really, more than anything, a lifting of those covid restrictions. And I think that's part of why people are interpreting this The way they are is because it wasn't really framed as another extension of covid restrictions. It was framed as a ban on intimacy in the Olympic Village. And so now that we're in 2024 people are seeing these beds as an extension of that ban. When really I suspect there are financial and environmental adaptation? Yeah, that does seem to be the case. The thing that intrigued me about this was the the persistence of myths and rumours. around these beds just struck me as being very interesting because yeah, it's goes back to something we talk about all the time, right? Which is evaluating information criticallyavoiding jumping to conclusions, being aware of your own cognitive biases. because, man, when I saw that cross instagram I was there, I was like, Oh, yeah, of course. That makes sense. And, you know, from your perspective, it also comes down to thinking about how people are going to use things, thinking about how your user is gonna look at what you're handing them and interpret what your intention is. Maybe the Parisian goal is to be as fiscally responsible and environmentally sound as possible for this incredibly expensive, very short term event. But the people seeing the equipment provided created an entirely different story about what it was for and why and what the intentions were. And I think that that's something that you know. Technologists can learn, too, because a lot of times people in my world don't know what's inside your head and wouldn't necessarily have the jargony language necessary to explain it if we did. And so thinking about how what you build is going to be perceived by the person looking at it from the outside, who doesn't necessarily have your development criteria, your back goals, all of the the behind the scenes, nuance is an important thing. You know, that's a really good point because it doesn't matter what's in your head. It matters what the other person perceives and what the other person does, so that when it comes to product design, it's a really good takeaway. Oh, I like that. I'm gonna have to see if I can work that. No conversation this week. All right. Well, on that note, I think we got some good lessons learned here. It's an interesting story. We're back in the air, so thank you so much for everyone for joining us. Do you have any final thoughts for me, love? Just remember that as I've said many times before, everything that exists will be eroticized. Every device you create from a high tech piece of technology to a cardboard bed will be interpreted through the lens of Rule 34 for almost everybody on the planet and recognising that, accommodating that adapting to it. Preparing for it, I think, is an important part of how to head off misinformation. Like the stories we've been talking about today? Absolutely. So with that said, Thank you so much for tuning into Securing Sexuality. You a source of information you need to protect yourself and your relationships. Securing Sexuality is brought to you by the Bound Together Foundation. A 501 C three nonprofit. From the bedroom to the cloud. We're here to help you navigate what safe sex looks like in a digital age. Be sure to check out our website sexual.com for links to more information about the topics we discussed here today as well as our live events. And if you are somebody in need of gender or identity affirming care, we do have a found together foundation micros grant cycle open Now you can find information about that in the show notes. That application will be open until July 31st and until then, not July 31st. But until next time, join us again here for more fascinating conversations about the intersection of sexuality and technology. Have a great week, everyone. Comments are closed.
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